Sunday, February 22, 2015

What to say (and not say) to pregnant moms...





The end of pregnancy brings with it a myriad of things- mood swings, stretch-marks, weird symptoms that couldn’t possibly be related to pregnancy and yet it is (Is my nose really getting bigger???). The end of pregnancy also brings with it a whole lot of attention. And for some reason, the bigger the belly, the more attention you tend to attract. I’ve found that both strangers and acquaintances alike all tend to ask/say the same things to me, so in case you were wondering what a mom pregnant with twins hears on any given day, wonder no more, friends!

1.       "Wow, when is your due date? You look like you are about to pop!"
First, no mom-to-be wants to picture themselves rupturing like an overblown balloon. And no, I’m not due soon enough to warrant looking this big. There’s two babies in there. Back off.
(Also, I’m not sure what it is about pregnancy making people feel like they are allowed to comment on your size. If you want to comment on how big I am, don’t be offended if I turn around and comment on your size right back.)
2.       “How are you sleeping?”
Is ‘not really at all’ an answer? Since there are two, someone is always kicking the other and waking them up. I'm worried they've already formed some sort of vendetta against each other... or against me for not expanding fast enough. So usually I just cat nap between urgent sprints to the bathroom as the babies train for MMA on my bladder.
3.       “You look uncomfortable.”
That’s because I’m uncomfortable. Mic drop.
4.       “Is a twin pregnancy different from a single?”
Absolutely. First, you never quite recharge your battery because the drain on your energy is so immense. And that’s not even mentioning the mental toll getting ready for two infants takes. The worry, the fear, the doubt, the terror… But, on the other hand, I split my calories three-ways, so I really don’t ever feel guilty over eating half of a chocolate cake. So, I got that going for me.
5.       “I’ve always wanted twins.”
I only hear this from people who don’t have kids, mostly teenage girls. I’ve had this thought in my pre-mom days. But from other moms, I usually get…
6.       “Boy, I’m glad it is you and not me.”
Actually, I am too, especially if you are saying this out loud to someone pregnant with twins. You have to be tough to deal with twins. I’m tough.
7.       “How are you going to handle twins?”
See answer number 4. Also, I’m a cancer survivor. I’d take twins any day. Any FREAKING day.
8.       “You should sit down.” “You shouldn’t be walking.” “Did your doctor say it was okay to hold your toddler?”
I’ve been thinking about keeping the $15,000+ bill for IVF in my purse and pulling it out for these people to see, just so they are aware of the monetary, emotional and physical investment I have made in these babies. I wouldn’t do anything to harm them. And if I want to walk, or play or pick something up, I’m gonna do it.
9.       “You look great.”
Thank you, thank you, thank you to anyone who has paid a pregnant girl this compliment. There is something about the end of pregnancy that is so physically and emotionally draining, that kind words about one’s appearance really are just that- very kind.
10.    “You are going to be an awesome twin mom.”
And also, a big thank you to anyone who says kind things about a twin mom’s impending adventure. Any girl that finds out they are pregnant with two launches straight into worst-case-scenario thinking. I’ve learned from my 8 months of study that twin success is all about attitude and I’m grateful for any words of encouragement that keep me from going nuts.

I’ll save the nuts for when the kids actually arrive.  

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