Eggs By The Forklift-full

What do you mean, this is a bad idea?

I’ve never really thought of myself as petty. I never imagined I was the type to want to go to Costco, buy their largest flat of eggs, google-map a stranger’s house (with street-view of course) and throw the whole flat of said eggs at that stranger’s google-mapped front door…

But, here we are.

I got a “meh” review the other day. And as I stated above, chickens from the tri-county area were put on notice to start peak production- I had a crazy urge to hunt this person (or at least their front door) DOWN! Cooler heads prevailed (i.e. my husband reminding me that eggs can get expensive when you are buying them by the forklift-full), but it was still an uncomfortable experience. Since when have I ever had perfect strangers rate me on a daily basis? Last time I checked, I’m not on Tinder (look it up, old people).

This little experience taught me a few very important things:

-          - I have some aggressive tendencies I didn’t know existed. It might be fun to explore that…

-          - I am still here. I got a ho-hum review and I kept on existing. This actually means that a bad review really isn’t the end of the world. I sort of thought it would be.

-I am out there in the marketplace. I did enough marketing and interviews in the right places that a random stranger at least tried my book. I’m counting that as a win.

So here I am, toughening up, learning, building, ugh, character. Boy, do I ever hate building character. It never includes cupcakes.  

Beating the PANTS off 2013!

Yep, New Year. Yep, obligatory resolutions post. (Insert bored sigh here).

I post them here so ya'll can keep me honest. Nothing gets results like pledging in front of a crowd. So here we go! 10 steps to a 2014 that beats the PANTS off 2013:
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Take THAT 2013!!!

10. I’m not willing to say that I will not ever take a spoon to a can of frosting or jar of hot fudge (because that is just ridiculous), but I want to maybe do it a little less this year.
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9. I got a ukulele for Christmas. By the end of the year, I will play “Dancing With Myself” by Billy Idol on it like a freaking rock star. And if I am brave, I’ll even post the video here.
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8. I will finish a good, working draft of book 2 this year. Yikes.
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7. I’m going to start putting my cell phone in the trunk so I can’t reach it. I swear, no amount of public service announcements can sway me from the siren song of a text, even while I’m behind the wheel. I will break this bad habit!
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6. I want to get to bed before midnight at least a few times a week. Seriously, if morning me ever met night me, she’d punch her right in the face for being such a night owl.
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5. I will learn to make a few Thai dishes on my own. When you call your favorite Thai place and they answer it, “Hey Kristin! Do you want the usual?” you are probably calling them too often.
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4. I will do more fun things with my two boys. I spent most of 2013 bald, sick and laying “mostly dead” (Princess Bride reference, look it up kids) on the couch.  Jake and Kaden won’t even know what kind of fun bomb hit them this year. New year, new mom.
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3. A lot of people put, “I want to do something every day that scares me” as their New Year’s resolution. BEEN THERE, DONE THAT. I fought cancer every day of 2013 AND launched a book (putting yourself out there and getting reviews on anything you do is freaking SCARY business!). And sure, the scary stuff makes you stronger. But I can only live on the edge of my seat so long. So, in 2014, I want less scary. Some scary- more book reviews, speaking engagements, book signings, being a mom on a daily basis, but less massive life-changing freak outs for months on end. And less shots. I HATE shots.
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2.   I will learn how Twitter and social medial work. Right now, Twitter feed looks like a bunch of scratches the International Space Station found on a distant planet. I’ll make sense of it and use it to my advantage as I do my author thing.

#butiwillalwayshatehashtags
#ispendwaytoomuchtimetryingtoreadwordswithoutspacesinbetweenthem

#theteacherinmecringeswhenthereisnopunctuation
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1. I will be grateful for every single freaking day. Nothing puts life into perspective like almost losing it. 

So, those are my resolutions for an awesome 2014. This year is going to rock. What are your resolutions? I wanna hear them!